sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

dump her

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

dump her

charroger:

modestdemidov:

image

every villain needs a back story  

sexploshin:

Somewhere between fuck you and I’d fuck you

lookslikehecansurf:

ashton why

cadoized:

working in a group where no one actually contributes to the projectimage

lameborghini:

tampons are so expensive why do i have to spend 8 dollars to shove some cotton up my vag…..fuck capitalism actually

liquorinthefront:

lilith-not-eve:

We spent so long in the bath, just playing with the bubbles and singing, and then we washed each others hair carefully and luxuriously and it was the loveliest experience ever. It felt so intimate and beautiful, and I nearly fell asleep lying in her arms in the warm bath.

this is absolutely beautiful and perfect.

liquorinthefront:

lilith-not-eve:

We spent so long in the bath, just playing with the bubbles and singing, and then we washed each others hair carefully and luxuriously and it was the loveliest experience ever. It felt so intimate and beautiful, and I nearly fell asleep lying in her arms in the warm bath.

this is absolutely beautiful and perfect.

creampuffirwin:

guys can we discuss the thing

image

i mean this thing

image

the ‘sit close with my arm wrapped around you’ thing

image

and how even when they aren’t doing the thing 

image

they’re still kinda doing the thing

image

?

twigprinceart:

respect gender identities 

twigprinceart:

respect gender identities 

babyclifford:

I JUST ASKED MY 19 YEAR OLD BROTHER WHERE HE WANTS TO SIT FOR THE 5SOS CONCERT AND HE SAID “ON THEIR DICKS”

psl:

lovelyandbrown:

grandmasterbooty:

Distressing Video Captures EXACTLY How Cops Treat Black People

I had to reblog this again because it just reduced me to tears. 

As most of you know, I am an attorney. And I am an attorney licensed in Minnesota. This is the state where I took an oath last year to uphold state and federal laws and to protect the rights of the citizens.

It PAINS me to see this. To see these unjust cops who I for all intents & purposes, have to stand along side. When they are abusing EVERY SINGLE OUNCE of POWER. Minneapolis/St. Paul have BEEN a war zone. I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed.

Not all officers are bad. Please don’t let that be the take away. But police brutality is VERY FUCKING REAL. 

Watch this. If this doesn’t move you, if this doesn’t make you cry out in agony and want to change the world, I don’t know what will.

[trigger warning]

too distressing. the cries of my people 💔

jonathan:

what do you mean it’s inappropriate to have Highway to Hell by AC/DC at my funeral